We widows share our grief journey and support each other, but no one can give us the confidence we need. Confidence has to come from within. Our mental health is directly connected to our happiness and confidence.
Tips for confidence:
• Start looking for good things in other people that you can praise.
• Look for good things in your life you can be truly thankful for.
• Pay three sincere compliments to someone every day.
• Simple formula called “SFF” meaning “Stop Finding Fault”.
Deliberately looking for the good things in others has a miraculous effect on our confidence. It takes our minds off what we don’t have and makes life a little bit brighter. It makes us more tolerant of those that don’t understand our grief and helps us with all sorts of worries, fears and even depression.
We aren’t perfect and neither are our friends or family, but there is good in everyone. We will grow in confidence as we focus on others and give them sincere praise for the specific things they do. I don’t know why it works but praise can act as a wonder drug, not only building up their self-esteem but also releasing positive energy for us.
Janet
Hello,,. My husband passed away Aug 1st after54 yrs of marriage I lost self esteem and can,t even drive the car is this common among widows its terrble .thanks ,,,Janet
Mary Francis
Hi Janet As new widows we aren’t trained on grieving and everyone is different so I’m often asked “Is it depression or grief?” by a new widow. It’s not always easy to tell the difference especially after the death of a loved one. But depression is very different in terms of duration and severity.
I’m teaching a great 8 week course “Grief Recovery Method” in my area but this course is also taught world wide. Check in your area to see if it’s available as it should help you build up your self esteem. Because it’s only been a few weeks it sounds like normal grieving to me. When we lose our loved ones we are suddenly alone and it can be overwhelming. You just got the *** knocked out of you so its natural to want to curl up and recover. If you did everything with your loved one, than you have also lost your best friend.
Grief is a healthy expression of our emotions and is normal but once we slip from grief into depression it’s very hard to get back on our feet again. One of the biggest barriers to seeking professional help is the stigma attached to depression. But is you continue on this path of not being able to drive the car etc. I would suggest talking to your doctor because you already have history with him/her. They may even suggest another professional who can help you.
My guide Ours Shared Journey “I’m heartbroken with grief! Is there hope for healing?” has lots of tips and support and is available off my website. I would suggest you read all you can about positive things and connect with positive people and things as they will help you grieve in a positive and healthy way. Take care of yourself, Mary Francis
Suzan Gilbert
Hi Janet,
I lost my husband on August 23rd after 29 years together so I'm grieving also. I think part of the self esteem issue you are experiencing is similar to what I was feeling soon after he died. I didn't know who I was without him because we had been together so long. Three weeks before Ed died I was fatigued from being up with him at night and I totaled my car in an accident. It was weeks before I could drive without feeling fear and almost panic. Everything that was normal is gone and I have to figure out a new way to live as you do too. One of the things that gives me comfort is that I imagine Ed rooting for me, cheering me on because he encouraged me when he was alive. Another thing that gives me strength is knowing I'm not the only one going through this, there are others like you out there. Not that I would wish this on anyone…its just that we are in this together and we can help each other when we struggle. I hope things get better soon for you. If you can, try driving the car around the block as a start. Be well, Suzan
Raelina
Driving heals me even though I lost my man after 22 yrs being togehter in a vehicle accident. Yes they are rooting for us and watching over us with love.
Aline M Butts
Hello, My husband Reginald passed away August 12, 2016, just 12 after he turned 63 years on Aug 1. I have some much going on inside my mind, the pain is so unbarible, I went back to work. I feel so lost. I have been reading different blogs. I go to the grief classes, but feel very angry afterwards. I found the Sisterhood of Widows and i;s the website that has given me hope. I don’t socialize very often. I live with my daughter and her family. It’s very hard. Each day is different, and sometimes I just want to curl up and do nothing. I recently went back to church. I do security, and my hours didnt allow me to attend church, but God heard my prayers. Thanks for the information. you are God sent. God bless everyone on this site.
Mary Francis
Dear Aline – thank you for reaching out to all the widows that are also grieving. It helps them to understand that it is important to look for positive blogs and material to help them on their journey. I also went back to church and found some peace there. It isn’t for everyone but that’s the point – widows all grieve but we heal in our own ways and that is the way it should be. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve or how to heal. It’s a very personal journey to healing and we have to travel at our own pace. Thank you and take care, Mary Francis
Suzan
Dear Aline, I lost my husband the same month you did. It’s been a rough road to healing since then but I am starting to believe that the worst of the grief is behind me. I truly believe God hears your prayers. And I will pray for you.
There were times I felt that all I had to hang on to was hope. And now I am beginning to believe that the future holds the possibility of goodness in my life.
You are brave to reach out and share your pain and I admire you. Thank you,
Suzan
Connie Riffe
Your site is something that I have needed for a long time.
Mary Francis
Hi Connie – welcome and please take your time to go through all the blogs and the “Just For You” section for free information. Plus the pages of resources especially the FAQ page from other widows. It helps to know that others understand your journey. Take care of yourself, Mary Francis
Carol J. Reed
Mary Francis, I am very appreciate of your website. I have ordered a couple of the suggested books and praying they will provide added support. My husband passed away unexpectedly at age 57 due to complications from surgery. He was a pharmacist and I had legal regulations to follow in closing our business within 30 days. I believe my grieving was delayed and I am now definitely in the “widows fog”. I am very blessed with a large family, many friends and my church family who are here for me, as well as no “immediate” financial issues.
It helps to see posts from others still struggling whose loss occurred before mine. I have always been a strong person…I feel anything but strong now. I do think the better days are beginning to outnumber the not-so-good days.
Thank you for the help you have provided to others. Carol J.
Mary Francis
Hi Carol – Thank you so much for sharing your story and supporting my work. I was widowed at 50 and started “The Sisterhood of Widows” partly for my own healing but also to encourage and support other widows. It can be an emotionally draining passion but I get my strength from emails and letters such as the one you just posted. Take care of yourself and I wish you the very best. Mary Francis
Linda
Hi,
Lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly just over 3 weeks ago. I have tried to find UK based widow sites that are not too negative. Yours sounds very positive (which is what I need at the moment) but most of the posters are from the US.
I think the reason is that in the UK we’re a bit more buttoned up emotionally and we don’t do God so much, even if we’re believers.
Helping with our General Election is helping me but it’s early days and I feel a deep sense of sadness at the moment interspersed with anger.
I refuse to be a needy drain on my family and only cry on my own. Happily my dog listens to my wails and I can cuddle her unconditionally.
However, tt’s strange that most of the widow forums are based in the US
Mary Francis
Hi Linda. Widows around the world grieve their own way and you are right that culture does make a difference in how we express our grief. There are a lot of widows looking for some positive support and I’m pleased that my site is providing that. Healing comes from sharing our stories and seeing how other widows have stood strong and refused to give up. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis
Suzan Gilbert
Hi Linda,
I’m so sorry for your loss. We here on this site know what you are experiencing and hopefully we can share and care together. I didn’t want to be a drain on my family either. Then I didn’t want to burden my close friends with my pain. That can be very isolating, at least it was for me. What helped me a lot was telling Ed’s story, at first, of his illness, his decline and his passing because it was quick and brutal. Now that time has passed I can share stories of his extraordinary life and it helps me heal. God bless and keep you, Linda. I still cry but now I have so much hope for the future and even joy now. What a journey this has been!!