We live in social systems that call for continuous and complex interconnections. A widow who undergoes a dramatic shift creates a ripple effect, requiring change from those around her, and it isn’t always acceptable to them.
The problem, as you may have noticed, is that not everyone you know, love or work with is overjoyed with the changes you are making. Because a lot of us fear the unknown, most people will try to keep everything the same, the predictable safe way things have always been.
In short, a widow who thinks new thoughts or does new deeds is likely to garner disapproval and criticism from someone. You have probably had a sense of what changes are acceptable in your social circle and what will elicit intolerable shock.
You may not even realize how much you curtail your actions to fit in with what others want, but you feel in your bones that you don’t want to rock the boat or violated their unspoken rules.
But, you need to state your own position. Even when you’re dealing with a nasty, non-communicative person, stating your positon may be a powerful step in your own growth. It may not make the slightest impression on them, but hearing yourself speak up can clear your head and lift your mood.
You’ll know you’ve vanquished your “don’t change” attackers when you can love them completely without agreeing with them at all. Ultimately, what once appeared to you as utterly unsupportive, may end up barely fazing you at all, because you have learned how to deal with the people who just can’t let go of the way things were.