When dealing with a death of a loved one you focus exclusively on the loss.  You can not even imagine that other events may occur in the wake of or even because of  that loss.  When you think of the future, there is an emptiness, and nothing matters. The first few years can be pure hell and yet they can contain the beginnings of new joys.  These joys start out slowly and require nourishment to grow.  When you're in the midst of your loss, you may not notice these gleams of light. You may not be paying attention to these newborn sources of happiness, but they are there and some day you will be ready to receive them.