When we lose a loved one we feel disconnected from the world.  Our grief often causes us to withdraw from others just when we need them the most. You need to know that being involved in fulfilling relationships is one of the greatest healing factors to your pain.  People who have supportive and caring relationships are less likely to slip from healthy grieving into depression. The problem is that starting and maintaining friendships involves talking to others and that can feel uncomfortable when we are grieving. Here are a few tips to help you:

1. When you can’t think of anything to say, just ask them a question about themselves.  It make others feel good that you care and it gives you something to talk about.

2. Listen carefully to their answers - it is a real compliment to people when you listen with kindness and respect. 3.  Keep the conversation going by making thoughtful comments.  If your dreading meeting people – practice thinking of questions you could ask them. We hurt so much when we are grieving that it’s often easier to stay home then interact with others.  But we need the positive energy that comes from sharing our lives with others that care about us.  It’s important not to count on others to always take that first step.  Grief makes people uncomfortable and they don’t know what to say or do around people who are grieving.  You may have to reach out to them first and let them know that you want to connect with them. You shouldn’t stay home alone with memories of how it used to be, but don’t wait until someone invites you over.  I know – it’s hard to impose yourself on others without them at least giving the appearance of inviting you.   But what if no one calls and you were too reluctant to reach out to them?  We need the healing that comes from connecting with family and friends. It’s important to look at this from the point of view that people who have never experienced grief need to be guided.  Tell them that they don’t have to walk on egg shells around you, they can laugh, tell jokes and enjoy the season.  Although there is a void inside you, you may even join in on some of the fun. Now is the time for you to reach out to those people who asked, “How can I be of help?”  Let them know that “now” is that time.  Asking for help when you are in need (even if it’s just to have them listen) is a gift they can give you. It would be great if others just knew what we needed, but we may be sending out mixed messages – I’m lonely and need your company, and the next day I’m tired and want to be left alone.  Your friends and family just don’t know what you want or need.  That shouldn’t be surprising because we don’t know either.  It’s a new journey without our loved ones and everyone is trying their best to be there for us, so give them a chance by reaching out first. To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                       Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist® Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”