All Blog Postings by Mary
Expressing Your Feelings
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
As you grieve you may hide behind a mask of “I’m okay” and stop expressing your feelings. Or you may feel strongly that you are right and you don’t try to understand their feelings.
If you don’t feel that you are being listened to, or if you feel like you are being ignored, then you may end up feeling angry and frustrated. This is where it gets hard to express your feelings without coming across as being difficult or unappreciative.
You can try to express your feeling with “I feel …” statements. You can say, “I feel unheard and frustrated.” Resist the urge to explain why your feelings are valid. I know we are hurting as we grieve, but it’s important to understand that the other person’s feelings are just as valid to them as your feelings are to you.
Sometimes we fear our feelings and have a deep mistrust about opening up to others. We may believe that if we open up to them something awful will happen, or they may think we are needy. Truthfully, it can be stressful expressing your feelings (embarrassed or vulnerable) and not knowing how others will respond.
Not all feelings are positive and it’s unrealistic to think that our life’s journey will be without some negatives. Our feelings, positive and negative, need to be expressed. Although revealing our feelings can be painful, it can also be rewarding. It can open an opportunity for real sharing and growth. If we share our feelings and listen in a spirit of trust we will find it easier to solve the issues at hand.
I need to warn you that even though you are hurting and desperate to be heard, you may find it exceedingly difficult expressing your feelings. Widows often have lots of reasons why they shouldn’t use the “I feel …” statements and/or they hold back because they are concerned about how others will respond.
Making yourself vulnerable by listening and by sharing your feelings is often how we find our path and rid ourselves of hostile energy. Learning to listen and share more openly will become easier the more you practice it with others.