All Blog Postings by Mary
Help Them Grieve
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
As a widow, have you ever seen other widows and wondered, ‘How do I help them grieve’? Or have you wished that others would have thought about how they could have helped you grieve?
First we need to understand that it’s perfectly normal to be at a loss for words when we know someone is hurting. This goes the same way when it comes to your grief and how others approach you. Therefore this article is for you to help others, and for those that can help you.
Validate Their Feelings
This is not complicated – simply acknowledge their loss. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to care. You can validate their feelings by bringing up their loved one. This is called “memory support” and is important for the grievers to feel safe talking about their good and bad memories.
Avoid Comparisons
Don’t bring up you own loss. Instead keep the focus on them. Every day will be different when grieving – the good, the bad and the ugly days. So, ask how they are doing TODAY.
Stay In Touch
Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Their initial support will fade away so it’s important to keep in touch. Know their important dates – birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. If you don’t know what to say, then tell them that. It’s more important that you visit with them without trying to fix their grief.
Be Supportive
They may need you to take on some everyday task such as picking up their groceries. They may be emotional unable to face the public and need to have people come to them. Some widows are missing the physical presence of their loved one. Don’t hesitate to offer a hug if you think it may help. If they need information (legal, financial, medical) be there to help them find the resources they need.
The Real World
Don’t get caught up in social media envy as these little comparisons can weigh a griever down. It’s important to step back and remind ourselves that those Instagram and Facebook posts are not indicative of their real world. Social media should be a place to communicate with our friends and family, and not a place for comparisons.
You may instinctively know how to help them grieve, but for most of us it’s difficult to face someone else’s pain. To keep it simple – just be there for them and don’t project your way of grieving on them. They have to travel their own grief journey, and the best way to help them grieve is to be there with our support and encouragement.