All Blog Postings by Mary
Learning to Change
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
Widows have no choice when it comes to life changing, but are they learning to change or are they fighting it out of fear?
Be aware of your belief system, and what you take in from those around you. In your belief system, do you think you are too old to change, not smart enough to learn something new or not flexible enough?
Do you think that to be middle aged is to be washed up? That your best years are behind you? The truth is that at this stage in life you are not tied to others, you have a self.
Talk with others that aren’t burdened by their limiting beliefs. Others that are learning to change, who are enthusiastic, accomplished and eager to learn. Spend time with them and be open to what they believe.
Widows that can’t stand change, lie back and hope that “things will just work out”. I believe that you need to let grief unfold without resisting it, but I’m not recommending passivity!
With a new widow, all your energy is directed at just surviving each day. At this level you may feel like lashing out and blaming everything and everyone for the situation you’re in. Everything seems to be out of control and the last thing you want is to add more change. This is part of your grieving and it is okay to feel your negative response (its normal), but don’t stay there.
Seek the company of people who understand your grief and are capable of empathy. Examine how you may be isolating yourself through silence, walking away or just by being passive. Don’t start wearing a mask of “I’m fine” as that will block your true feelings and you need to grieve so you can heal. Allow positive relationships to anchor you, so that you are more in touch with the positive changes you can make.
Don’t try to imitate others, because your journey is personal to you. Sometimes the changes needed can be basic enjoyments like laughter and the beauty of nature.
Your life has a personal and unique purpose that you will not align yourself to if you are not willing to change. Focus first on finding out who you really are without your spouse. When you arrive at the place where you know yourself, you can move from hope, to belief of possibilities, to knowing it can happen. Every day can bring changes that will fulfill your hopes and wishes, changing them into a life that you control.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
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