A few months ago I took off my wedding rings and set forth to dangle my toes in the dating pool.  I had dinner out with one man and an evening out with another.  One man was younger than me and the other was older.  Both owned their own business and both were attractive and nice men. But that was it - there was no pull of the heart strings and no desire to go for the second date with either of them.  It has been almost five years and I had originally thought that I would never date.  Over time I have been asked out so I began to think that maybe I should give it a try. When I went from wife to widow it was a social and financial change in my life.  To start dating I have to see myself as a single woman who has desires and expectations for a new relationship.  What I did learn was that I’m not interested in putting any effort into dating at this time in my life. To date or not to date is a personal decision that is totally up to the widow and her situation.  Time and her grief journey will affect her decision and there are several main issues for her to think about:

• Can you let go of the dating guilt?
• Will you be able to avoid comparing your date with your late spouse?
• Have you come to terms with the possibility of a new sexual relationship?
• Can you date without talking about the past all the time?
• Why do you want to date?
• Can you handle being out of your comfort zone?
• How will you explain “dating” to those that knew your husband?
• Can you keep the children out of it until it has developed into something?
• Do you have enough confidence in yourself to handle disappointments?

There are no set rules, so the real question is just: “Am I ready?”  Follow your instincts and get into the dating world when you feel ready.  You will be nervous so don’t expect that to go away until after you have taken the plunge. If you begin dating you will discover a whole new world of lingerie, current fashion styles and sexier hair cuts that will all help you to feel alive again.  Keep an open mind about dating and don’t take it too seriously.  You may meet some really nice men and have a enjoyable time out. The dating scene has changed over the last decade or so and online dating has become very popular.  But it doesn’t matter if it’s online dating, blind dates, or arranged double dates – the first time is never easy.  Taking a chance could mean that you meet someone or it could be a bust.  Only you can decide if you want to explore the “nothing ventured, nothing gained” world of dating. There will come a time in your life when you have become comfortable with yourself and although you would like to meet someone else, a single future is not quite as scary as it once was.  That is when you have reached the crossroads and can comfortably choose to date or not to date.