Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
A widow doesn’t have to be old or sick when deciding to move or not. But for many, their declining health may make that decision for them.
Many widows move because they want a smaller place with less maintenance. Others move because it will provide a better social environment, closer to family or people their own age. A move could also provide a more financially stable life.
The last thing you want to deal with is another major change in your life, so don’t take this step until you’re sure – there is no going back if you sell.
Some signs that you may be ready to move:
- The house is less kept up and maintenance isn’t done.
- Expenses for heat, taxes and insurance are hard to pay.
- Too many physical steps to get around the house.
- It’s too hard to shovel outside walkways.
- House feels too large, too empty and too lonely.
You can talk this over with family and friends, but remember that the decision is not reversible so the time to move has to be when it feels right for you.
My own experience is that it usually takes a couple of years to feel settled enough to tackle another change. The first year we widows often walk around stunned, angry and not quite there (widow fog).
If you decide to move, inventory every room and determine what you want to keep, sell, store or give away.
- Get some help with the move.
- Get three estimates from moving companies.
- Arrange for change of address and utilities.
- Carry and transport valuables yourself.
- Number each box and what room it goes to.
- Prepare a “first to unpack box” for your first night.
Moving doesn’t have to mean buying another place. It may give you time to gain a sense of balance if you rent for a while. Renting can provide a stepping stone into your new life, a chance to build a new life without making a total commitment.
The starting point is to get very quiet and ask yourself this simple question: “What do I really want?” Listen to your thoughts without judging them and don’t get confused by fear and worry.
If you’re feeling stuck about what you want, find a friend who can listen without jumping in with their own opinion. Debate the pros and cons – detailing both sides to the argument, to move or not.
