Traumatized widows may feel physically ill or have a flashback at the very sights and smells of a hospital.  They may be embarrassed about feeling this way and so make up excuses for not going to the hospital to visit a sick friend or family member. Some widows have thoughts/feelings about why they lost their husbands.  It is natural for widows to want to know why such a terrible thing happened.  We shouldn’t assume that the widow doesn’t secretly blame herself for what happened. It’s important that a widow reaches the phase of self-acceptance, to understand that she is not a bad person, is not being punished for her past mistakes and that she cannot change the past. It is well established that early intervention can play a significant role in helping traumatized widows.  For a therapist to help widows find their way, they must first see the world from the widow’s point of view. Traumatized widows may be reluctant to show their emotions and should be approached with great sensitivity.  They may be flooded with emotions/pain to the point that they are out of touch with their surroundings.  Hence their ability to absorb information (widow fog) may be limited.  Because communication with traumatized widows can be a delicate process, questions should be simple so that they can be responded to by Yes or No, or one simple sentence. Many widows have a need to go over the traumatic experience in minute detail.  Repeating what happened is a necessary part of their recovery process. When appropriate, widows are encouraged to share their feeling with their grown children.  This not only validates her feelings, but also by extension, enables the children to understand that their mother’s feelings are valid.  Of course this totally depends on the age and emotional status of their children. When traumatic death cuts short a life, or when death could have been prevented, the widow’s suffering can be especially intense. Widows may need help to resolve conflicts that were left unresolved by death.  Regret, mixed with anger and confounded by pangs of guilt all add to their trauma. How does one get a traumatized widow to accept the care that she needs before she suffers a “breakdown”? A traumatized widow can relieve her internal pressure by writing a “letter” to her late husband.  A letter that helps her to say the “goodbye” that she didn’t get to do in person.  She needs to write about all her feelings and how it has affected her life, friendships and family.  Telling her husband exactly how she is feeling, and not holding back from her emotions.   Take your time and don’t let anyone see it.   This is strictly between you and your husband. End the letter with “Goodbye” and then destroy it.  Let all the trauma go with the destroyed letter so that you can now grieve and your broken heart can start to heal. Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows #thesisterhoodofwidows, #widow, #grief, #griefsupport, #widowsupport, #howtogrieve