When you lose someone you love, you may feel bitter about them “going before their time”. It’s easy to resent others that are describing their difficulties with their spouse, child or parent. In your head a little voice is saying, “I’d trade with you any day”. You may feel a little ashamed of your lack of compassion for their troubles or how irritated you get. It’s hard to listen to others complain about things that seem petty and unimportant compared to your loss. Have patience with yourself as it’s natural to compare your life with others, but slowly the bitterness and resentment will fade. Bit by bit you’ll find patience and strength. Life will start to settle into a new path and you will enjoy the company of others – even those that complain about anything and everything. Bad days – we all have them. One day everything is fine and the next everything looks grey and sad. The good news is that pain, while soul-crushing, is manageable. The pain can steal my peace but it does leave behind experience. This experience is more valuable than gold because it is what armors me against the emptiness and gives me the capability to help other widows. My bad days are fewer as the years go on, but they are still part of my own journey. Discouraging feelings keep you thinking about what you can’t do instead of what you can do. They can stop you from doing anything except feeling sorry for yourself. But sometimes we just need to be sad and to be listened to – a hug wouldn’t hurt either. You can’t make it better because “it is what it is”. We can’t fix everything and sometimes life just isn’t fair. Time Magazine says that it can take an average of 5-8 years to get your balance back after the loss of a loved one. It’s hard to be on your own when there is an empty hole in your heart but life does go on, although it will be forever different than planned. Go ahead, acknowledge that you’re hurting. It’s natural, expected and even healthy to feel the pain so you can eventually heal.