All Blog Postings by Mary
Will I Ever Get Over It?
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
We widows ask “will I ever get over it?” but the thing is – who wants to get over it? There’s nothing I can say that’s going to help you understand this journey. Not one thing, other than the fact that I’m a widow who has been there.
Yes, I can give you some empathy, but no matter what I say, you’re still going to hurt. I would suggest that others avoid clichés sayings when talking to widows. Don’t say things like, “It must have been God’s will”, or “God has a plan for you”. That doesn’t help in the moment and I think it’s really just a way to comfort themselves more than the widow.
Instead, if a widow asks you if she will “ever get over it”, be a good listener and don’t try to fix her. Never say, “I know how you feel” - even if you are a widow. You can never know how that widow feels because you didn’t live her life/marriage.
Every widow want to be happy again, to have dreams and goals in their heart. But grief takes it’s time and because it may take a long time and we’ve been through so many disappointments, we get depressed and start thinking that it will never get better.
The reason many widows don’t see the positives is because they become discouraged and quite simply give up. But just because you don’t see your broken heart healing doesn’t mean that it isn’t. Sometimes the changes, one by one, are small and are not noticeable.
But one day your notice that you have made it without crying. Then a week, an outing with friends where you laughed, joy in your grandchildren, a trip or adventure planned and enjoyed. Small steps that get larger and larger with time.
However, you have to do your part and believe even though it looks impossible. Don’t let your grief, your emotions, or other people discourage you. It may not happen the way you expect it or on your timetable, but it will happen.
You’re grief will lessen over the years, but you will always have your memories and never “get over it”. When grieving, accept it. Be yourself. Do what you feel, do what you think and don’t worry about what other people think.