Sometimes we get so lost in our own grief that we forget the young and how different they may be processing the death of our loved one. • Begin to talk to them before the death occurs. This will give children an opportunity to ask questions and to prepare for what lies ahead in a safe and secure environment. • Tell them the truth. Tell them the basics and then answer their questions. Listen to what they are saying. Don't put words into their mouths. Let them lead the discussion! • Encourage them to talk about the person who has died. Help them to talk about the good times they remember. Encourage children to express their feelings. It’s OK to cry. • Be prepared to discuss the death within the religious framework of your family. Be willing to say there are aspects about dying you don't understand. Pray with them- taking the time to talk about heaven and angels. • Allow children time to be alone. Solitude is important. During times of quiet, they will be able to formulate their questions and maybe find some of their own answers. • Provide extra support in the case of a sudden death. Remember, if a child wasn't told of the pending death of a family member, then to the child, it is a sudden death. • Give a child the opportunity to draw a picture of a happy memory they have of the person who has died or pick / buy flowers to be placed with the casket or urn. Help a child to create a scrap book of memories of the one who has died. This may include pictures, letters, cards or anything that will help keep their memories alive. • Have a child write a letter to the person who has died. This gives the child the opportunity to thank the person for their kindness, tell them how much they love him or her and say goodbye. We do not do children a favor by "protecting" them at the time of a death. Involving children in the funeral is one of the most helpful things we can do to prepare them. It will teach them to understand and not fear death or their feelings of grief.