As a widow you may be thinking that you can persuade others to behave differently. But to have any hope at all, you have to see things through their eyes - putting yourself in their position. When grieving it's hard to focus, let alone focus on other peoples needs. Also, take note that you can't legislate emotions - theirs or yours. You can't force your family or friends to understand your grief or to feel different then they do. All you can do is improve your own understanding of why they are seeing things differently then you are. It always comes back to the fact that you can't control the situation, but you can control how you respond to it. There will come a time when you have to start asking for exactly what you want, instead of focusing on what you don't want. Be clear in not only what you want them to start or stop doing, but also what the consequences will be if you can't come to an agreement. A change will only happen through interactions and cooperative effort on both of your sides. Understanding each others point of view is the first step in defusing the situations that come up when your grieving.