Starting Over – To Move or Not?

Some widows find it nearly impossible to go on living in their home without their husbands.  But they are paralyzed by the idea of moving, of leaving everything that's familiar at a time when they are completely unbalanced.

My own experience is that it usually takes a couple of years to feel settled enough to tackle another major change.  The first year we widows often walk around stunned, angry and sad wondering what we did to bring this on.  Later on we emerge from this fog and begin to get ready to make more changes.  Our perception changes from being a victim to something we are in charge of – even though we may still be confused about what we want.

The starting point of any emotional life decision is to get very, very quiet and ask yourself this simple question:  What do I want?  Then listen to your thoughts without judging them.  Trust in your inner desires and don't get confused by fear and worry.

If you do decided to move bring only what you use and love.  If you're feeling stuck about what you want, find a friend who can really, really listen and not jump in with their opinions.  Inventory and tag, room by room, what you want to keep, sell, store and give away. 

1.  Get some help with the move.

2.  Get three estimates from moving companies.

3.  Arrange for change of address and utilities.

4.  Carry and transport valuables yourself.

5.  Number each box and piece of furniture.

6.  Make an inventory list to give to the movers.

7.  Prepare a "first to unpack box" for first sleep over.

Moving doesn't have to mean buying another place.  It may give you time to gain a sense of balance if you rent for a year.  Renting can provide a stepping stone into your new life, a chance to build a new life on your own terms. 

It's hard to understand as a new widow but your not moving into a lesser life.  You're moving into a different life than planned, but it's still your life to live on your terms.






6 Responses

  1. Terrie

    I caanot afford to live in our rent to own. My hubby was mr fix it. To many major issues for me to fix. Hard to find a rental with pets let alone limitef funds. And I want a small house.

  2. Mary Francis

    Hi Terrie – It is hard to start over when we are on our own.  Sometimes what we want is not currently possible but you can always work towards getting a small house.  Set goals for what you need to purchase and maintain a small house to see if it is possible and if so start saving towards it.  If it’s not possible put out the word with friends and family to see if anyone knows of a good rental that will allow pets.  Take charge now before it is forced on you by others.  Mary Francis

  3. Carole

    I am going to be 75 in June. I lost my husband a year ago. At the moment, I don’t want to move. We have no children. I’m just happiest here. Maybe in the near future, I will change my mind. I don’t know.

    I get so much advice about how I should move. I’m not ready yet.


  4. Mary Francis

    Then please don’t move. This is your journey so don’t let others (they mean well) push you into doing something your not ready for. The time will come when you may be ready and you will know when it does. Take care. Mary Francis

  5. angie

    Sadly I have to move due to finances, my youngest Daughter and I have found a place and will be moving very soon.
    Due to the severity of his illness we lost our previous home in 2009, then in 2013 he took out a loan for the home we are in now, sadly the payments and utilities are just too high for us. He would be heartbroken but yet he would not want me to struggle or be constantly worried so that makes it a bit easier.
    The fact that he died here is something that makes it difficult but I really feel it’s for the best.

  6. Mary Francis

    Dear Angie – My husband also died at home and I moved so I completely understand how you feel about moving to a new place. Take care of yourself. Mary Francis

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