At this point you may feel ready to jump back into the relationship jungle but there are some things you still need to learn so you can be successful. You can’t just wish your grief away – you certainly can’t just keep repeating some “positive affirmations” and think that everything will come up roses.
• You must first become aware of the need to make some changes.
• You need to discover what your new needs are.
• Be willing to take steps forward.
• You must want these changes and be willing to work on “yourself”.
• Your first step is to trust your intuition.
• The key is allowing yourself to listen to and trust your internal voice.
Who are you? Take time to write out everything you know about yourself – the good, bad and ugly. Know yourself, accept what you can’t change examples: Family, upbringing, height, etc. and improve yourself where and when you can.
5 Responses
Mary Johnson
I am a widow who has been ganged up on by my neighbourhood from the outset, now running into years, comletely unjustifiable. Ganging up against Canadians is rampant and together with the non-stop abuse being inflicted on women seniors contibutes to the ill-health of the nation. I was widowed fairly young and have started over several times. Finally my “only” bought me a house that sunk her in the financial mire for life due to a woman realtor who took advantage of her trusting nature and cleverly cut me put of the equation and created a false second offer with other realtors. Then to find myself only to be wrecked by a 30 house neighbourhood even through chemotherapy and physical disabilities, every day of my life. It is an outrage. They couldn’t have had a better neighbour in Canada – a major winner for Canada. Where does one find lawyers to deal with such a treacherous situation ? Lawyer referral is a needle in a haystack. This is not the Canada I grew up in. I have written hundreds of letters to flush out the situation, all the while concealing my identity because of reprisals against the innocent. I have even written to the Vatican.
Patricia
Thank you for insight & honesty. Now I hear my internal voice as fewer distractions in hours outside of work. It’s the courage to change the things I can that has me stumped. Used to feel so brave. Will start with knowing who I am now. Thanks again.
Mary Francis
Hi Mary. Nothing changes until you decide that you want it to. Take control instead of accepting treatment that is not acceptable. Start with looking at all the options for moving and making a fresh start. This is a free country so find a way to overcome those excuses for staying. Or if you must stay start being a friend first without expecting any thing back. Do some volunteer work, smile, laugh and enjoy living and be happy. No one can take that from you. Life is worth enjoying and so are you. Mary Francis
Erjem
I lost my beloved husband, the love of my life in my early twenties. I have since then had a few “serious” relationships (cohabiting-serious like) that didn’t really go no where. Yet I realised that I have changed completely, abruptly, radically both the type of life I was living and the very person I was before. Not that I became a crazy party beast or anything extreme. Actually I may have bettered my self as a human being and even achieved a lot in my life since I met my spouse of four years. Yet I don’t want to re-marry – ever – although I had almost one whole decade trying to “get over” my loss. I just miss every second of our past life, sometimes I miss him so bad I want to die and the only reason why I keep on living my life alone without him is that if we ever meet again in the afterlife I wanna have some awesome stories to tell him ( cos he was quite an interesting adventurer 🙂 ). I know there are plenty of nice people around the world, including the guy I have been living with in the last four years… but I also know that I would throw anyone off of a cliff if I was asked to pick between my husband and anyone else. The funny thing is I never even dreamed of him in all these years. Lately instead I had dreams of my grandfather who recently passed away. I dreamed he invited me out for dinner saying he took some time “off of his vacation” to come and celebrate his birthday with me and family and when it was time for him to leave I chased after him, stopped him and hugged him dearly begging him to bring my regards to my husband and hug him for me. I woke up crying my eyes out for just having mentioned him in my sleep… I felt even worse because he used to hug me tight whenever I would have a nightmare until I would fall asleep again. But he was not there. There was another man whom I love, but not him… I wish I had had his kids so I would have “something” left of him. The sole idea of having kids with anyone but him deeplt saddens me and I feel like I’m being unfair to the person I am dating. I know it sounds naive but my husband was a really great man and I am scientifically sure I will never find anyone that could compare – not that this makes him more deserving of love than others, but he truly was a rare pearl, the type of gracious souls that change the world without even bothering for recognition. I have learnt so much from him, he was a mentor and I owe him everything. But somehow I hate that he’s gone without me. I hate living without him. And I hate everyone near me for not being him -as much as this sounds ridiculous. And I hate still crying like a little girl every fucking time I realise how much I miss him, as if I could cry him back to life….
I dont know how to want to get over it…
I apologise for the long comment. That s actually the first time ever that I talk about him in “pubblic”. Take care xoxo
Mary Francis
Dear Erjem – Please never apologize for talking about your love, loss and grief. It’s is natural and healthy to speak about our loved ones and to share our stories. It is also healing for other widow to hear our stories so they know that they are not alone in how they feel. Thank you for sharing, Mary Francis