Talking Made Me Feel Better

After Donnie’s death I felt helpless.  I’ll never forget those first few months of grief because it was harder than it should have been. I didn’t know at that time just how much I needed to talk to other widows.

About a year later I came to realize that talking made me feel better.  I sought out other widows because I somehow knew that they would understand my journey.  I think that if I hadn’t found these widows to talk to I would have gone into depression.

Lots of different people come into my life but the other widows had a connection to me that the others did not.  As I got better and learned to bear my feelings, I learned to be good to myself.  They taught me that I could live life as a “single” and that life goes on.  Yes, it’s different but in some ways I’ve found myself as a widow in a deeper sense than if I was still married.

For sure I would love to still be married and have Donnie to share my life with, but that is my past and in my memories.  I’ve learned that the present is for me so I focus on what being good to myself really means.  Sometimes it is as simple as taking a long hot bath, a glass of wine with friends or sitting down to write a blog about grieving and healing.

But after all these years one thing has never changed – talking makes me feel better.  I thank God every day for family and friends that I can share a conversation with.  Sometimes its in laughter and sometimes its serious, but its always with those that care.  What more can we ask for?

4 Responses

  1. Allison
    | Reply

    I am a new (10 months) widow.  My husband passed quite suddenly just days before our 20th anniversary last March.  I have been with him half my life, (I had just turned 50).  We have two sons and I am now solely responsible for them.  Learning to exist as a single person has been very hard, but I am managing to get through okay.  My sons are sources of joy to me.  I have been feeling lately that I need to connect with others like me for support and understanding.  Today I found this site and I have been reading several of the blogs and comments.  Wow! I am not alone, so I thank you for these stories.  If nothing else, they show me there is light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Thank you!!

    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Sorry Allison about the passing of your husband.  As a widow I do this for new widows such as yourself and I thank you for the encouragement you have given me.  This is what the “sisterhood” is all about – supporting and encouraging each other as we learn to live without our loved ones.  Take care, Mary Francis

  2. Deb T
    | Reply

    Hi there — I found your site today.  I am a very new widow (5 weeks since my husband's very sudden and unexpected passing).  I am in my late 50s, but we were only married for 6 years.  Thank you for the posts.  I am still swimming through the many layers of grief/depression/happiness/guilt that my life has become.  But I am still swimming. (Think Dory from Finding Nemo: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.)  I look forward to the new posts and the responses.


    • Mary Francis
      | Reply

      Thank you Deb for your very supportive comment.  I’m sorry about the loss of your husband but I’m proud of you for searching out material to help you with your grief. A lot of us widows struggle far longer than we should because we don’t go looking for the support we need.   Take care of yourself, Mary Francis

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