In one instant, years of married life became only memories. I could stand the loneliness, I thought. And I can. I can stand anything. I didn’t know that before, but I do now. You can, too – it just takes time for a widow to come to this point.
Widowhood is learning how to do your own home maintenance. I know that lots of married women do maintenance, but it is comforting to still have your man there if you need a helping hand.
Suddenly the home chores can become overwhelming. Who’s going to do them? Who’s going to appreciate what you do? Why bother?
No one ever warned me about the laziness of grief, where I loathed the slightest effort made. It’s so easy to see why the lonely become untidy and just don’t seem to care.
It’s about making a decision, getting the things done and paying the bills all for something you don’t care as much about any more. Facing just another problem and facing it alone. And who cares or even notices?
I’m not telling you to sell. Running the house by yourself is just one more challenge you face as a single home owner. It can be done – with tears and yet also with rewards.
Sometimes widows have to move – houses are expensive to keep and maintenance can be overwhelming when grieving. Maybe the house is too big and enough time has passed to think about what you really want. If possible don’t make any major decisions for at least a year. This gives you time to take stock and measure your own abilities and financies.
Maintenance is hard – the neighbourhood may look at a widow as being needy. You may need someone else’s husband for help, but their wives may resent it or the husband may get the idea that you’re looking for more then just house maintenance.
Staying on in the last home you and your husband shared together has its own kind of comfort. Moving can be a traumatic experience and should not be taken on too soon. On the other hand, when and if the time comes to move, it can be like starting a new chapter in your life.
Take your time, though. Think about it because once sold there is no going back. So, don’t rush and if the maintenance can’t be done by you, then ask for help from family and friends. I’m sure that they will be happy to help you for the short term until you get balanced and have a clear vision of what you really want to do.