Sadly, most of us have had to stand up to bullies at one time or another. Don’t trust them and always watch your back. Important, Don’t Share with Bullies. We need to have confidence in ourselves (boosting strategies to defuse aggressive behavior) whether targeted at us or at others.
Don’t think they are bullying you because of something you have done. No, they are choosing to be hurtful. It’s important to remind ourselves that we are worthy of respect and deserve better.
Protect yourself from a bully that you can’t cut out of your life (family or work colleague). Do this by simply sharing less with them. Only give them vague highlights of what is going on in your life and remember don’t share with bullies as they will turn on you.
Don’t let them be a bully and then claim that they are “just kidding’. If you’re not laughing then it’s not funny. Call them out on their behavior by saying, ‘Kidding means both people are having fun. Now that you know I’m not, please don’t do this again.’
What if you see someone being bullied? You might say something like, “I saw that and it made me uncomfortable.” They may brush you off, but next time they may act differently when you are around. You may also support those that are being targeted by uplifting them with kind messages. It’s uplifting for them to know others don’t think bullying is okay. Just one supportive friend can significantly ease the damage a bully does. Reach out and be kind.
The moment we begin tolerating bullying, we become part of the problem. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better. We are free to say “No”, even if it rocks the boat. Use your power.
Bullying emerges when we believe that we have no power, when we are passive. However, be careful that you don’t become trapped in a tale of victimization and helplessness. Trapped to the point that you feel justified in striking out first, becoming like the bully you dislike.
If you have a bully in your life, I want you to ask yourself a question. ‘Why am I so desperate that I’ll put up with abuse in order to have a friend?’ Be your own best friend by requiring people to treat you with dignity and respect.
You always have a choice – peace at any price is no peace at all. For them to be in your life is not a right, it’s a privilege that they earn. They must treat you with dignity and respect. Making your boundaries clear is not being impolite, it’s simply being assertive enough to protect your space. If they don’t respect your boundaries then as much as possible avoid being in the same place at the same time.
Important enough to repeat – Be careful about what you share with a critical/bully. Providing them with personal or important information is asking for trouble, because a bully often takes things out of context. They will misinterpret or exaggerate your information to place a negative spin on it so be smart and don’t share with bullies.
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
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