Self-Medicating

The first few months after the death of our spouse we may either hardly eat or eat in excess to find some comfort.  From a health perspective we aren’t doing any good to our self-esteem and yet eating/drinking/partying are all ways we are self-medicating.

As a widow the first few years we may never feel really happy and truthfully we may not even feel much of anything.  We get pretty good at faking it, which sounds depressing when I say it out loud.  Others may think we aren’t afraid of anything, but in reality we are afraid of a lot.  Over time I became open to risks and changes.  So now what do I fear?  After almost eighteen years as a widow I have grown kinder, wiser and more resilient, but I still fear being sick and lonely as I grow old.  This is where I have learned self-medicating in a more positive way.  I’m always looking for ways to improve my mental, physical and spirital well-being.

Not all self-medicating is bad for us:

• Try listening to blue noise, such as playing rain or waves on YouTube for two minutes to quiet our anxiety.
• Taking a moment to meditate on the beauty of nature.  It calms us and lowers the pressure we put on ourselves.
• Instead of poor self-medicating try relaxing by touching the Earth (known as grounding).  This helps us enter a healing state for a more restorative sleep.

As we age we become more sensitive to the effects of alcohol.  This means widows need to be even more careful as they can get drunk faster and sober up slower.

What kind of widow do you want to be?  Do you want to be kind, wise and resilient?  Now I want you to really think about this next question – What does a widow have to confront in life in order to become kind, wise and resilient?  Yes, pain and struggle – it’s about growing stronger as we keep overcoming the challenges of being a widow.

As a widow I understand what you are going through, and it’s big.  But I can also see your strength and that’s more powerful.  This grief journey isn’t easy, but we widows can do hard things.

Life isn’t guaranteed to be safe, without any loss.  We are not promised a heartache-free life, but I assure you that if you do the right self-medicating you will come out of this kinder, wiser and a lot more resilient.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”