Changing Someone Else’s Behavior

When things are going bad, it’s usually made worse by someone else’s behavior.

Sadly it’s hard enough to control our own behavior let alone control someone else’s. But there are some things we can do to help.

There is this notion that relationships can be helped by how we think about them. But we have to come to the understanding that our beliefs and behavior come from our thoughts. Instead of the doomed attempt to change another person – we need to understand that we are whole as we are.

Our core beliefs lead to our thoughts, which lead to perceptions, emotions and the cause of our outward behaviors. It’s impossible to change someone’s core beliefs and therefore their behaviors. But if we start with awareness of our own thoughts, noticing how they create our feelings, trigger opinions and cause our own reactions, we can learn to control our own behaviors. By learning to better navigate our own thoughts, we’re better able to choose how we think about those around us, to alter the frame through which we perceive them.

It seems that the only real remedy is to practice self-awareness. Realize once and for all that we are profoundly interconnected. By turning our attention away from others (over whom we have little control) and focusing on our own thoughts, we become more aware of who we really are. We become more generous and forgiving, because we want the best for everyone. That’s the kind of love that empowers, without demanding changes.

Do we need more grief and fear, more isolation and heartbreak in our world? Or do we need a change of mind, a more open understanding that we can only control ourselves? As always – you decide.

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