Hurtful Things People Say

Let’s look at some hurtful things that people say with good intentions:

• He’s in a better place.
• He isn’t in pain anymore.
• I know exactly how you feel.
• You’ll feel better soon.
• Don’t you think you should be over it by now?
• You shouldn’t be sad in front of the children.
• I’m sure it’s what God intended.
• He wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad.
• Let me know if I can do anything to help.

Allow feelings of all kinds to enter the conversation. A widow’s emotions vary widely during the course of a conversation. This is normal and they can help by creating a safe place for you to experience these feelings.

As a widow, I’ve had people say hurtful things after Donnie died. It took me years to realize that they just didn’t really understand how they sounded. I’m sure that most of them didn’t mean to hurt my feelings, but they did.

Remember that each widow’s path has its own ups and downs. Help them to understand that they need to honor your unique journey. It may be longer or shorter than they think it should be, but remember, it’s not their path of grief, it’s yours.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”