The First Year of Widowhood

Your life is in pieces – the first year of widowhood urges you to do something, anything to put your life back together.  But you can’t piece together the life that is forever gone, so what now?

Are you asking yourself, “What did I do to deserve this?” and “Why him?”  The truth is, you were born.  We all live in an up and down world and the first year of widowhood is definitely the “down” part of life.  Widows often feel unsupported and out of control.  Ruined plans remind us that we don’t control life and death.

In the first year of widowhood it’s helpful to make a list of things that give you comfort and hope.  When your life keeps going wrong, lengthen your list and practice your mental strength.  Do not fear your future, as “different” does not mean everything will be bad.

If nothing is working for you and if you feel yourself going down the black tunnel of grief, the most productive thing you can do is “nothing”.  Let grief heal your broken heart first. Your grief, when accepted can be restorative.  Instead of resting in a state of anxiety and unease, rest by stepping back and laying down your weary head and heart.

During the first year of widowhood you may feel dead inside, tense, joyless, weepy and hopeless.  This is when you need to rest, even though part of you feels that resting would be a big mistake.

Here are a few tips on how to rest your broken heart:

• Pour your attention into how your feeling, don’t deny your grief.
• Focus on the word, “Relax”.
• The second focus word, “Rest”.

Example:  Repeat throughout the day, “I’m resting my broken heart so it can relax my spirit and give me time to heal”.   This is just an example, you can do your own personal message and repeat it often.

The simple intention is to relax, to surrender to the pain so that you can heal.  Until your broken heart stops struggling, until life starts to brighten, the best option is to relax and rest.  Especially during the first year of widowhood.

To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                      

Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”